Pregnancy is gross – part 1

Pregnancy is pretty cool. Well, actually it’s painful and weird, but in my heart I love little Bubba so much, and I would do anything to keep him safe.

However, it’s also pretty gross.

You may have heard about Jenny McCarthy’s book that put her back on the map a few years ago. She describes all the gross and freaky stuff that came along with her pregnancy. So far, I don’t have many of the things that she suffered with, but I have a few stories of my own.

“I wipe my own ass!” -Big Daddy
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Good for you cute kid, but I barely can.

I don’t know if it’s my big gut or the fact that my hips are in extraordinary pain or that fact that my back paralyzes me when I wake up in the morning, but bending over to wipe my own ass is nearly impossible.

It doesn’t help that I’m eating a lot of fruit and other healthy items, so I’m in the bathroom more than usual.

So, long story short, I think I’m ‘cover all my bases in the bathroom’ if you know that I mean, but I can’t be too sure.

Isn’t there like a giant wand that they sell to older people for #2 time? I should look into it.

How I told Michelle I was pregnant:

I realize you’re really not suppose to share pregnant news right away, but my roommate obviously was around when I was laying on the floor, wishing for death, and puking daily.

The back story is – I just got off a 7 day cruise (and I normally get pretty sea sick), so I thought, “well, this sea sickness is lasting 1 extra day.”

Well, when the sea sickness was still happening 3 days later, I figured I’d take a pregnancy test. I honestly couldn’t remember if I got my period in March, and my boobs hurt, so these were all decent signs.

When the pregnancy tests came back inconclusive, I hit the doctor’s office to confirm A) am I pregnant or B) what is wrong with me?

(it was A!)

So I hit the drugstore to buy vitamins and get a prescription for Zolfran (was supposed to make me stop puking, but it actually just makes me puke).

The text strain from Michelle to Amber on 4/10/14:

Michelle: How’d it go?!?

Amber: I was going to tell you when I got home. But …

Michelle: I’m dying here!

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Amber: They come in gummy form!

Michelle: OMG. You’re not !@#$-ing with me right?

Amber: No, they are actually gummy bears. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Amazing huh?

Michelle: I’m taking about your seriously pregnant right?!?

Amber: Ha ha. I know. I’m just being annoying.

Amber: I am.

Michelle: OMG! I’m so excited. How’s Chris?

Amber: He’s more excited about making guacamole tonight.

… and then we chat about the tacos we all plan to make later.

Amber is 38 and pregnant!

Am I the only person who remembers that show from VH1 (or maybe Mtv?) called “Scott Baio is 45 and single?”

Anyway – that’s how I feel right now. Β Knock on wood I don’t really look 38 (somebody at work thought I was 24 the other day … how cute), but I realize that I’m older than most. Β And I realize that comes with possible problems.

Let’s just say that I’m praying daily for little Bubba to be ok.

(where the name “Bubba” came from will be another blog post)

So far, so good!

God damn, that’s one adorable kid.

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