Pregnancy is gross – part 5

Ok, I probably don’t really need a part 5 because this stuff pales in comparison to literally crapping my pants. Although, I’m sure I’ll have a part 6 after I give birth! (I hear pooping on the table is a sure thing, and I’m sure there are all sorts of other fluids that fly out that nobody every talks about).

Here are some 4 miscellaneous gross things that have been happening recently.

1. Stuff is coming out of my nose. A lot of stuff. And I don’t have allergies or any of the normal ‘nose related issues’, so this is unusual.

A while back, I went thru a phase where every time I wiped my nose, my hand would be covered in dried blood. Recently, it’s just 24/7 dried snot.

Thankfully, when I look in the mirror (I’m looking a lot to make sure), there are never things dangling from my nostrils. Thank goodness!

Looking on the bright side, at least it’s not dripping like a faucet.

2. Does anybody remember this quote from Forgetting Sarah Marshall? “Let’s just say that if God was a city planner, he wouldn’t put a playground next to a sewage system!”

This doesn’t happen often, but if I get gas … holy cow … it’s horrendous! Whomever coined the phrase “silent but deadly” must have had a pregnant wife at home.

It’s super duper embarrassing. Thankfully it only seems to strike when I’m at home. I feel pretty bad for my husband, but it’s really nasty. I have no shame issues tooting in front of him, but this stuff smells from 2 rooms away. He’ll walk into a room 10 minutes after the ‘gas leak’, give me a “you’re gross” look, and just walk away.

Fun, fun stuff.

3. I’m wearing size 9 underwear. I think that speaks for itself. I bought size 7 a few months ago. Last weekend I just skipped right over the size 8’s because I’m tired of buying underwear!

4. My left foot is blowing up like a balloon. I call myself “Captain Elephant Foot”. It only happens when I’m walking around a lot, so I guess it’s my fault. Excuse me for trying to have a life!!!

IMG_1864

I’ve got a huge top half, a huge mid section, so all I had left were my feet. I’ve always had cankles (they run in the family … my poor unborn daughter), but now they are huge and so ugly.

I really don’t mind my giant gut, my big thighs or cottage cheesy butt, but for some reason, my fat feet and ankles are really depressing.

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