2016 was supposed to be my last WDW marathon, yet here we are again. However, I can say with absolute confidence, this is it. Sheesh, this is hard.
My core runDisney friends all signed up for the Dopey challenge about 9 months ago. I didn’t have $600 or the motivation to do Dopey again (nothing more to prove there) but maybe I could handle “just one more marathon” with the gang. And … here we go!
If you want to read what was accurately going thru my head, replace every other word with #$%! and %^&# and $#@!
I proudly (damn proud!) present to you: Random things that popped into my head during the 2018 WDW Marathon!
Mile 1 – Wow, this isn’t very hard. Normally mile 1 is hell and I think, “holy crap, I can’t even run 1 mile, none the less 26!”, but this was a breeze. Probably because I trained for this by only walking 1 mile per day on the treadmill while watching WWE.
Mile 2 – As I remove my headphones desperately trying to remove my 2nd shirt (I’m wearing 4) I really understand where the phrase “pound the pavement” comes from. This pavement is pounding with thousands of people running!
Mile 3 – A random person suddenly tells me they are proud of me. It’s because of the ridiculous orange t-shirt I’m wearing that a co-worker gave me. The temperature at 5am was in the low 40s, so about 7 layers were necessary while waiting in the corrals for the start. I borrowed many throw away shirts, and this one (from a collage frat) said “damn proud” on the back. Hell yeah, be proud of me stranger!
Mile 4 – I pass a guy dressed as Bowler Hat Guy from Meet the Robinsons. It’s a genius costume.
Mile 5 – Multiple people are now telling me how proud they are of me. Its’ hilarious. A guy passes me wearing puffy purple pants and has an Aladdin vest PAINTED on his chest. What the …? I also dropped one of my fruit snacks on accident and I can’t stop my legs to pick it up. It’s a devastating loss.
Mile 6 – Are super duper teeny tiny running shorts (for guys) back in style? Asking for a friend.
Mile 7 – A guy’s shirt says “10 years volunteering medical, 1st marathon.” That’s awesome. I think I have to pee. I don’t want to break the seal yet. Last marathon I peed about 8 times. I don’t have time for that.
Mile 8 – I see a Twizzler on the dirty ground and debate on picking it up. It’s the most amazing Twizzler I’ve ever seen. I’m also freaking freezing. I shouldn’t have thrown away 2 out of my 4 shirts. I debate on picking up every single glove I see on the ground. I don’t, basically because I can’t stop my legs from moving.
Mile 9 – I pass a guy dressed as Dug (from Up) and he has a legit “cone of shame” on and everything. I also pass a shirtless guy with #KyloRenChallenge writing on the back. Hilarious.
Mile 10 – I’m feeling really good.
Mile 10.3 – I lied! This really hurts. I’m never doing this again.
Mile 11 – I’m tempted to pee in a cup because the port-o-potty lines are so long. I glance down and see my shadow as I’m running and I start to cry (because I’m doing it gosh darn it!). It’s too early for this crying crap.
Mile 12 – Somebody is wearing an “I did it T-shirt”. Not quite yet good sir! An old man passes me with a shirt that say “my first marathon”. Cheers to you good sir. And I run into a friend (hi Jackie) as she passes me.
Mile 12.5 – Banana time!
Mile 13 – I find a secret bathroom inside Animal Kingdom. I pee while eating the banana. Some guy is cheering for us who is ALREADY DONE and wearing his marathon medal. Damn. Another guy jogging in front of me lets out a giant fart. Farting during a marathon normally equals pooping your pants. I didn’t stick around to find out.
Mile 14 – It’s my buddy Liz! Seeing a friendly face is always a little boost. (the boost lasts for 12 seconds) Time to take candy from strangers. Some spectator has a scarf like the banner from Jurassic Park. It’s amazing and I want it.
Mile 15 – My running pants have a teeny tiny pocket in the back waist band where I keep my chap stick. So, basically I’m using ass-chap stick. My calves are on fire. I take off the DAMN PROUD shirt, but keep it dangling around my neck. I’m keeping this ridiculous shirt for life.
Mile 16 – Time to take pretzels from a stranger. Somebody’s sign says, “only 14 miles to Universal. Your choice!” Ha ha ha. I pass somebody wearing a really long skirt. Not a running shirt, just a random long skirt.
Mile 17 – I thought this would be mile 18. I think I’m falling behind the required pace. I’m still doing my run/walk routine, which is kind-of a miracle.
Mile 18 – I step in some sand to pass somebody and the blisters on my right toes basically explode. I’m running incredibly slow at this point.
Mile 19 – I ate my 2nd banana while going to the bathroom. This time it was a port-a-potty. I’m not ashamed.
Mile 20 – I take a fireball shot from a stranger. Holy $%&*, that stuff is terrible. Somebody’s sign says, “The marathon cost $180. You only have $34.97 left”. Quite possibly my favorite sign. I see people packing up water. The next water stop can’t be gone!
Mile 21 – The water stop isn’t gone. Thank god.
Mile 22 – I attempt to run down a hill and I look like a complete buffoon. Imagine Hector the hobbling skeleton from the movie Coco and that’s my pathetic attempting to jog. Rumor has it the cut off people are still 3 miles behind me. I’m almost to Hollywood Studios where I’m safe.
Mile 23 – I think my hamstrings just fell off. I want to go home. I’m crying.
Mile 24 – I just burst into ugly tears saying congratulations to an old man who has “100th marathon” written on his t-shirt. I’m also officially safe at this point and can’t be picked up for going too slow. Best feeling in the entire world.
Mile 25 – I turn on my “all I do is win, win, win no matter what” by DJ Khaled. Normally it pumps me up to run even though I’m a walking zombie. It doesn’t work this time. I just put my head down and plow forward.
Mile 26 – My last “mile 26” sign of my life. Bittersweet. There’s a good bathroom here, but I can’t stop now. Spoiler alert – I should’ve stopped.
Mile 26.2 – I sprint to the finish line with a single tear down my face. I’m done. I think my left leg just fell off. Also, I peed my pants.
“You can go the distance
You can run the mile
You can walk straight through hell with a smile.” -Hall of Fame (The Script)