Notes from the 2018 WDW Marathon

2016 was supposed to be my last WDW marathon, yet here we are again.  However, I can say with absolute confidence, this is it.  Sheesh, this is hard.

Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 7.34.39 PMMy core runDisney friends all signed up for the Dopey challenge about 9 months ago.  I didn’t have $600 or the motivation to do Dopey again (nothing more to prove there) but maybe I could handle “just one more marathon” with the gang.  And … here we go!

If you want to read what was accurately going thru my head,  replace every other word with #$%! and %^&# and $#@!

I proudly (damn proud!) present to you:  Random things that popped into my head during the 2018 WDW Marathon!

Mile 1 – Wow, this isn’t very hard.  Normally mile 1 is hell and I think, “holy crap, I can’t even run 1 mile, none the less 26!”, but this was a breeze.  Probably because I trained for this by only walking 1 mile per day on the treadmill while watching WWE.

Mile 2 – As I remove my headphones desperately trying to remove my 2nd shirt (I’m wearing 4) I really understand where the phrase “pound the pavement” comes from.  This pavement is pounding with thousands of people running!

Mile 3 – A random person suddenly tells me they are proud of me.  It’s because of the ridiculous orange t-shirt I’m wearing that a co-worker gave me.  The temperature at 5am was in the low 40s, so about 7 layers were necessary while waiting in the corrals for the start.  I borrowed many throw away shirts, and this one (from a collage frat) said “damn proud” on the back.  Hell yeah, be proud of me stranger!

tumblr_inline_nje4jorqew1s22qgiMile 4 – I pass a guy dressed as Bowler Hat Guy from Meet the Robinsons. It’s a genius costume.

Mile 5 – Multiple people are now telling me how proud they are of me.  Its’ hilarious.  A guy passes me wearing puffy purple pants and has an Aladdin vest PAINTED on his chest.  What the …?  I also dropped one of my fruit snacks on accident and I can’t stop my legs to pick it up.  It’s a devastating loss.

Mile 6 – Are super duper teeny tiny running shorts (for guys) back in style?  Asking for a friend.

Mile 7 – A guy’s shirt says “10 years volunteering medical, 1st marathon.”  That’s awesome.  I think I have to pee.  I don’t want to break the seal yet.  Last marathon I peed about 8 times.  I don’t have time for that.

Mile 8 – I see a Twizzler on the dirty ground and debate on picking it up.  It’s the most amazing Twizzler I’ve ever seen.  I’m also freaking freezing.  I shouldn’t have thrown away 2 out of my 4 shirts.  I debate on picking up every single glove I see on the ground.  I don’t, basically because I can’t stop my legs from moving.

Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 7.03.06 PMMile 9 – I pass a guy dressed as Dug (from Up) and he has a legit “cone of shame” on and everything.  I also pass a shirtless guy with #KyloRenChallenge writing on the back.  Hilarious.

Mile 10 – I’m feeling really good.

Mile 10.3 – I lied!  This really hurts.  I’m never doing this again.

Mile 11 – I’m tempted to pee in a cup because the port-o-potty lines are so long.  I glance down and see my shadow as I’m running and I start to cry (because I’m doing it gosh darn it!).  It’s too early for this crying crap.

Mile 12 – Somebody is wearing an “I did it T-shirt”.  Not quite yet good sir!  An old man passes me with a shirt that say “my first marathon”.  Cheers to you good sir.  And I run into a friend (hi Jackie) as she passes me.

Mile 12.5 – Banana time!

Mile 13 – I find a secret bathroom inside Animal Kingdom.  I pee while eating the banana.  Some guy is cheering for us who is ALREADY DONE and wearing his marathon medal.  Damn.  Another guy jogging in front of me lets out a giant fart.  Farting during a marathon normally equals pooping your pants.  I didn’t stick around to find out.

Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 7.15.19 PMMile 14 – It’s my buddy Liz!  Seeing a friendly face is always a little boost.  (the boost lasts for 12 seconds)  Time to take candy from strangers.  Some spectator has a scarf like the banner from Jurassic Park.  It’s amazing and I want it.

Mile 15 – My running pants have a teeny tiny pocket in the back waist band where I keep my chap stick.  So, basically I’m using ass-chap stick.  My calves are on fire.  I take off the DAMN PROUD shirt, but keep it dangling around my neck.  I’m keeping this ridiculous shirt for life.

Mile 16 – Time to take pretzels from a stranger.  Somebody’s sign says, “only 14 miles to Universal. Your choice!”  Ha ha ha.  I pass somebody wearing a really long skirt.  Not a running shirt, just a random long skirt.  

Mile 17 – I thought this would be mile 18.  I think I’m falling behind the required pace.  I’m still doing my run/walk routine, which is kind-of a miracle. 

Mile 18 – I step in some sand to pass somebody and the blisters on my right toes basically explode.  I’m running incredibly slow at this point.

Mile 19 – I ate my 2nd banana while going to the bathroom.  This time it was a port-a-potty.  I’m not ashamed.

Mile 20 – I take a fireball shot from a stranger.  Holy $%&*, that stuff is terrible.  Somebody’s sign says, “The marathon cost $180.  You only have $34.97 left”.  Quite possibly my favorite sign.  I see people packing up water.  The next water stop can’t be gone!

Mile 21 – The water stop isn’t gone.  Thank god.

Screen Shot 2018-01-08 at 7.05.12 PMMile 22 – I attempt to run down a hill and I look like a complete buffoon.  Imagine Hector the hobbling skeleton from the movie Coco and that’s my pathetic attempting to jog.  Rumor has it the cut off people are still 3 miles behind me. I’m almost to Hollywood Studios where I’m safe.

Mile 23 – I think my hamstrings just fell off.  I want to go home.  I’m crying.

Mile 24 – I just burst into ugly tears saying congratulations to an old man who has “100th marathon” written on his t-shirt.  I’m also officially safe at this point and can’t be picked up for going too slow.  Best feeling in the entire world. 

Mile 25 – I turn on my “all I do is win, win, win no matter what” by DJ Khaled.  Normally it pumps me up to run even though I’m a walking zombie.  It doesn’t work this time.  I just put  my head down and plow forward.

Mile 26 – My last “mile 26” sign of my life.  Bittersweet.  There’s a good bathroom here, but I can’t stop now.  Spoiler alert – I should’ve stopped. 

Mile 26.2 – I sprint to the finish line with a single tear down my face.  I’m done. I think my left leg just fell off.  Also, I peed my pants.  

You can go the distance
You can run the mile
You can walk straight through hell with a smile.”  -Hall of Fame (The Script)


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