Well, here we go again. I’ve done little to no running since marathon weekend (1.5 months ago) b/c my knee and ankle have been a little wonky. Also, that super shiny Snow White apple medal calls …
Walking the 1.5 miles to the corral: A volunteer tells me they are proud of me. Oh hell yeah, the Damn Proud shirt has returned!
Waiting the 1.5 hours in the corral: Man, I need to poop. Why did I eat Frosted Mini Wheats in the car.
Mile 1: A water stop already? Yes please! OMG, the cop a the top of the hill has a Dopey medal on. I feel like that’s a breach in police dress code, but it’s adorable.
Mile 2: People are dumping their tutus already. When will they ever learn that a giant tutu is super duper annoying. There’s also some crazy ass line for some Princesses (or maybe Princes). Also, the leaders are passing us on their way back to Epcot already. They’ll be done in no time, and I still have about 3 hours to go. #jealous
Mile 3: I pass some girl with a WINTER COAT. A full on puffy winter coat. I also see a guy with no shirt on with little “Maui” decor drawn on his back (and I assume chest, but I’m behind him). Now that’s a smart man. You’re outnumbered about 999 woman : 1 man, and you figured a cute and classy way to be shirtless. Genius.
Mile 4: I’ve been following/passing/following/passing a running with a sign on her back that says “visually impaired runner” Then I lose her. I’m giggling because I think “I can’t find the visually impaired runner, as that ironic or rude?”
Mile 4.5: Gross … roadkill.
Mile 5: We’re running down a big hill. And I think I’m about to pee my pants. Damn gravity. Keep the pee in my bladder!
Mile 6: I wish I had sunglasses (I left them in my car)! Also, where did I park? I finally go pee in the men’s room in the Magic Kingdom. I just yell, “I’M COMING IN!” I figured nobody would be in there (it was about 1/2 men and 1/2 women).
Mile 7: Nuts! I thought this was mile 8. I guess I passed out for a bit. I also pass the cutest girl with dreadlocks. Dreadlocks are on my bucket list. It will happen! Jingling Esmeralda passes me (Google image for reference.) Good riddance!
Mile 7.5: I eat my fruit bar only because I’m afraid it’s going to fall out of my pocket and I’m going to need it later.
Mile 7.8: It’s joke time on the course: Who is a cow’s favorite Princess? Moo-lan!
Mile 8: I keep getting passed by a guy in khaki shorts. Seriously, he’s just walking at a chill pace, and blowing by me. He also has a sweet mustace. And the food on the course is sport beans!!! I take 5 (should’ve taken more) and cram them in my little tiny race belt.
Mile 9: Isn’t it weird how your legs just keep moving, even though you want them to stop? Go legs go! Khaki shorts and I are still in neck and neck. I make it a goal to finish before him, but I’m not confident in myself.
Mile 10: A lady next to me is putting peppermint essential oil behind her ears. I only know this because I asked what she was doing. She said it helps cool you down. Side note – I feel really good and strong!
Mile 10.1: I was wrong, I’m extremely tired. I also am really close to pooping my pants. However, I think I’ve passed khaki shorts for good!
Mile 11: A couple in front of me is holding hands. To finish “strong”, I start a plan of eating 1 sport bean, then jogging for about 6 seconds. Eat, jog, eat, jog. All I keep thinking is, “you just did 26 miles a month ago. This is just a ‘lame’ 13 miles. Push through you jerk!” So I keep eating sport beans and jogging a bit.
Mile 12: The DJ is counting how many Ariel and Snow White costumes he can find in a 30 second window. Hilarious b/c seriously EVERYBODY is dressed Ariel and Snow White. However, kudos so the Ariel with the shirt that says “new legs, who dis?” I love it.
Mile 13: So close, yet so far.
Mile 13.1: Sheesh, so much saw dust covering up puke on the finish line.
Walking to the food section: “Congratulations, you just finished a half marathon!”, photo pass photographer. Boooooooooo. Also, there’s jingling Esmeralda again!!!