Pre race: I’m so glad I got a hand-me-down sweatshirt from a girl at work. I’m so warm and toasty, while everybody in race tanks are freezing!
Mile 1: As I wait almost 45 minutes to start (slow pokes like me start last) I see a Japanese guy carrying a tuba start in the group in front of me. A huge tuba!
Mile 2: A 73 year old lady and 68 year old man pass me. I know their ages because their shirts say, “73 years old and going strong!” I wonder if I’ll be that cool when I’m in my 70s? I also pass a guy with a photo pinned to his shirt with the phrase “ever mile I’m thinking about you”. It makes me tear up. How sweet.
Mile 3: I pass a firefighter wearing full gear. She’s going really darn slow (I can imagine since she’s in full gear!), although I’m worried she isn’t going to make it in the 16 min/mile pace.
Mile 4: Yay for going downhill near the Contemporary! Although a massive downhill can only mean 1 thing … a massive uphill!
Mile 5: We’re entering the Magic Kingdom. I’m so pathetically jaded that I’m actually annoyed because now everybody is going to start stopping and/or slowing down for photos. I’m trying to keep a good pace here!
Mile 6: I see Louis from Princess and the Frog! I sometimes wish I ran with a camera.
Mile 7: Backstage Magic Kingdom smells HORRIBLE.
Mile 8: The sun is rising and burning my eyes!! I almost wish I had a silly pink sequined visor like my roommate Michelle!
Mile 9: Hell yeah, I’m going fast (as I mentally calculate that I’m doing under 15 minutes miles)!
Mile 10: Yowsers … I’m not sure what smells worse, backstage Magic Kingdom or the smelly recycling plant (or whatever this building is) that we’re jogging by.
Mile 11: It’s banana time! I don’t like bananas, but I eat ½ of it. I figure if they are passing them out, they must be good marathon food.
Mile 11.5: I ask somebody what mile we just passed. I think I just blacked out for a second.
Mile 12: OMG – there is an Animal Kingdom employee holding a baby owl! No time to stop though.
Mile 13: Half done! Crap, this is hard.
Mile 14: I consider using the bathroom inside Animal Kingdom, but the line is way too long.
Mile 15: Now it’s a bathroom emergency, so I use a port-o-let on Osceola Parkway. The girl who exited before me was dressed in full on fairy wings. When I enter the dark port-o-let I see, what appears to be, splashes of pee all over the place! I don’t’ have the time to wait for another port-o-let or the toilet paper to clean all of this up! Then I realize it’s just glitter. Lots and lots of glitter. And, surprise, surprise, there is actually toilet paper!
Mile 15.5: I see Brittney (a girl I used to work with) passing out food! Even though I barely know her, it’s always nice to see a familiar face. I have a new pep in my step.
Mile 16: I can see people going towards Studios, but I still have 5 miles before that’s me. I wish that was me! I want to be done. This hurts!
Mile 16.5: I could stop running and still make it on time. Or I could keep running and not be such a pussy. I keep running.
Mile 17: Running on the cushiony track inside ESPN Wide World of Sports feels good on my feet.
Mile 18: They are passing out cold towels, but not very many. By the time I realize what’s happening, I pass that section by. Bummer.
Mile 19: I found a hidden bathroom! And perfect timing because my stomach is killing me (I only had to go #1!). I’m the only one inside the bathroom. How is this possible? And I go in the men’s room b/c it’s closer to the walkway.
Mile 20: Holy crap, they’ve picked up everybody who isn’t inside ESPN. Am I going this slow? I thought I had at least a 30 minute cushion. I’m getting scared.
Mile 21: I don’t think I can jog anymore.
Mile 22: I KNOW I can’t jog anymore. I can’t do it.
Mile 22.5: Please kill me.
Mile 23: I’m finally inside Disney’s Hollywood Studios. Rumor has it, if you make it inside Studios, they will let you finish, since you are officially off the roads (since they can’t hold up traffic all day!). Theme parks are always more fun than roads too, but you can still please kill me.
Mile 24: How the heck are people jogging past me? I ask an Asian guy next to me, and he’s also baffled by the joggers. He is as dead as me.
Mile 25: One more mile! I put on “all I do is win, win, win no matter what!” on my iPod on repeat.
Mile 25.5: I start jogging again, because there’s no point in holding anything back now. And by “jogging” I mean taking about 10 running steps, feeling my muscles tear away from the bone, then walking again.
Mile 26: I pass the gospel choir. They are quite loud, which makes me wonder if they are actually singing or if it’s just a recording. I call shenanigans!
Mile 26.2: I sprint to the finish line and I got a pretty good time. I was hoping to finish in 6 hours 30 minutes, and it’s 6 hours 33 minutes! I figured I’d be around 6 hours 45 minutes since I did the ½ marathon the day before.
Mile 28: I can’t find my car!!!!! Dear God, please let me. I have the biggest blister on my foot and I can’t feel my quads!
Mile 29: Found it! And it’s bed time …