Pregnancy is gross – part 3

Have you ever thrown up before?

Of course you have. Unless you’re … shoot … wasn’t there a sitcom star who never, ever threw up?

Anyways, we’ve all heard of morning sickness. Well, I had it for about 2 months. It wasn’t so bad. I mean, throwing up every other day was horrible, but I’ve heard of people what puke multiple times a day OR for a solid 9 months, so I can’t really complain.


Although, here’s what was gross about it: imagine normal puke (isn’t this fun?). It’s normally all soup-y and liquid-y and just a pile of mush.

Well, my pregnancy puke pretty much would always come right after I ate something. I mean, about 10 minutes after. I’m not even sure if the food was in my stomach before Bubba (my baby) decided she wasn’t having it. So it would basically come up in the exact form that I ate it.

Have you ever thrown up an entire orange? I mean, not a liquified orange, but huge chunks or orange? It’s hard to get that up and it hurts!

How about throwing up a bowl of oatmeal? I had abs of steel forcing that back up. It always took a solid 10 minutes getting everything out and stop the gagging.

Now that I’m 5 months pregnant, and no longer puking … I kind-of miss my abs of steel. 😦


Pregnancy is gross – part 2

It’s Monday morning.

I have to be at work by 9:30am.

I’m brushing my teeth at 9am. I’m running about 5 min late, but I’ll still make it to work on time if I hustle.

As I take a huge mouthful of water to rinse, I think, “shoot, I might have to throw up …”

“… Yup, it’s happening.”

Normally with toothbrushing rinse water, you just spit in out the sink. I look down at the sink and think, “No, DON’T puke in there. You’ve done that a couple times and it’s really gross to clean up.”

I look down at my toilet and really, really slowly process in my brain, “yes, that’s correct, you should puke in there.”

I start to bend over, but it’s too late.

I have a mouth FULL of water and uncontrollable vomit coming up so I spew ALL OVER. Like movie quality spitting out a drink.

All over my shower curtain. All over the floor. All over the toilet seat.

Keep in mind, I’m already late for work.

I wiped down the toilet, just left the other gross stuff all over the floor and shower curtain, and left for work.

I made it on time!